Lost Puppy & The Alpha Wolf
When you think of a struggling lost puppy,
You think of a poor animal who won’t make it on their own,
Crashing into trees, spinning in circles bleakly,
Without help, it will be stuck, scared, all alone.
Whimpering, searching for anything,
Anything that brings some sort of comfort,
Even if that thing is dangerous, they will cling,
Because anything is better than dragging yourself through the dirt.
I use this analogy a lot when referring to psychiatric wards,
You can spot them if you look closely,
You see the lost puppies and the alpha wolf overlords,
This is without taking into account the staff on duty.
An alpha wolf can scan the room and knows who is who,
The alpha knows how many lost puppies they can carry,
Their reliable instincts see them though,
They have a lot of experience in ward, Can manipulate the system like a coyote.
Iv been in and out of hospital for over a decade,
I am an alpha wolf, I have been for a bloody long time,
I rely on energy to scout out the strayed,
I see the good, the bad, the grimy.
For the first time I am in the private system,
I don’t know what is what, or who is who,
I still see the strong alphas and the puppies who are numb,
But I also see myself being magnetised to alphas which is new.
While I am no longer an alpha, I find myself clinging to other alphas,
While the puppies keep away from me, my aura is confusing,
I think I no longer fit in either of these boxes, yet I see the drama,
It is my heart that gets the bruising.
I can’t take on any puppies, for I am like a puppy,
I can’t trust an alpha because I see the effect i have on them,
I guess I am something in between, in limbo,
Somewhere that doesn’t make sense, inconsistent cascading mayhem.
Like a puppy but with awareness,
Like an alpha, can see the system,
Scared of the alphas,
I guess this makes me a beta.
A lowly beta.
~ Ryan Wells