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  • Ryan Wells

Purpose

Lying here, no willpower, in bed,

Uncertainty, pain and loss rolling around my head,

From Naomi to Ryan I’ve transitioned,

But this most recent hospital admission, 

Has left me wondering what to do next,

What people tell me leaves me quite perplexed,

They tell me I should stop helping people,

Just the thought of that leaves me feeling crippled,

Helping people, guiding people is really all I know,

The idea that I shouldn’t do that spirals me down below,

Into the depths of despair and anguish I sink,

While thoughts collide, emotions crash, I try to think,

See when I was young I went through utter torment,

Things that would have killed me had I not spent,

Hour after hour telling myself, believing,

As roots of a tree, ideas started weaving,

I thought as I lay there, shattered, alone, crying,

That maybe there was a reason behind this fortifying,

I was going through hell so that I could relate,

To others in the future lifting the weight,

Not only my pain but others as well,

Through my experiences I could lift their spell,

So when people tell me, from others to distance,

I feel like they deny my entire existence,

My sole purpose, my reason for living,

Is my compassion and empathy, for others giving,

After being told that I need to stop or hold back,

I start to question my entire past, path and track,

Helping others is engrained into my entire soul and being,

Without that the vulnerable child inside me is screaming,

If this is not my purpose in life then it leaves me one question and one question only…

Why?

#Poetry #lonliness #freeverse #Poem #Mentalillness #Mentalhealth

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