The Undeniable Truth
DISCLAIMER/TRIGGER WARNING: THIS PIECE OF TEXT HAS STRONG THEMES AROUND CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE. IF YOU HAVE HAD ANY UNRESOLVED SEXUAL ASSAULT OR THE LIKE, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER. YOU COME FIRST.
Tip toe, tip toe,
toes first, tip toe
Hiding now, hiding now,
All to do is hiding now.
Oopsy oopsy, found me, found me,
I try hard but he still find me.
I try to yell, I try to yell,
Words get stuck. I try to yell.
One more time, one more time,
Shut your eyes just one more time.
Cannot speak, cannot scream,
No one cares so, must not speak.
The bad men come, the bad men come,
Pull out our teeth, the bad men come.
Don’t bring the men, don’t bring the men,
I’ll behave! Don’t bring the men.
So best not speak, best not speak
I’ll never tell, I’ll never tell.
C- I have a present just for you,
After this, after this.
You must not lose it, it is precious,
Just like you, just like you.
R-Ma and pa don’t give me gifts,
So I must be special, oh so special.
It was one last time, one last time,
Or so I believed, I believed.
Age 20 (packing to move house)
R-What is this thing, this smooth black thing,
It is important but... Why?
Cannot, will not shall not discard it, cannot, will not, shall not, discard it
My mind goes foggy, mind goes foggy, if I try to think too hard.
Age 25 (over the phone)
C-Hello, hello, you may not remember me, but hello,
R-You are my uncle right? I don’t remember you.
C-Well I certainly remember you as my little gnome, little gnome
R-I do not like that name, no I don’t, no i don’t
C-Do you still have the very precious note taker?
C-The one I got just for you, just for you?
R-The note taker…. the note taker….
R-Oh yes! Right! The note taker.
R-I had forgotten why I had it all these years, all these years
C-I trained you well my little gnome, little gnome, little gnome.
C-Are you still interested in butterflies and pretty things?
I have many an array of butterflies and pretty things just for you, just for you.
R-Not really now, no.. what about games and books, games and books?
C-No, that is not right at all, not right, not right at all
You should be into butterflies and fairies, princesses and barbies.
R-Yea but like.. you know I’m a dude now right?
C-Yes, yes, you always loved making up stories, at least some things never change, never change, never change.
I had blocked him by this time, by this time,
He just sent shivers down my spine, down my spine
the things he would tell me about what he did made me sick, made me sick.
Then a thought occurred, and another, and another!
All over there were cascading thoughts and ideas turning into schematics in my head,
Things started making sense, making sense.
I had a suspicion about that person, about that person
Don’t need solid memories when your gut is leading you down a linear path.
Once I start to realise the plausible truth, plausible truth,
I knew there was one thing I had to do, had to do.
I grabbed a huge hammer, biggest I could find, I could find,
Grabbed that stupid little black smooth note taker and!
Itty bitti smashing ability,
Ground that stupid black note taker into as many pieces as I could, as i could.
And when I couldn’t possibly get it ground down anymore, I did not stop, did not stop.
I decided that I had to know, had to know.
I needed to fill in the gaps of my memory, of my memory.
I did some digging, here and there. Here and there,
Contacted relatives close to him, but no more.
It is all true, All of it, all of it.
On top of that he used to boast about the things he did to me, did to me.
But with so many lies that he told everyone about dangerous shit he did, no one cared, no one cared.
Only he and I know what was true, what was true.
It is eating me up, I feel lost, broken, hurt
I know the truth, I know the truth,
Innocence lost, shattered.
But at least I know… now I know… now I know….
if this piece of text has caused you any mental instability, please reach out to a close friend, doctor, school
chaplain, teacher, parent. And if you feel you have no one right now, please google helplines for your country and give them a call.