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  • Ryan Wells

Together We Be

Updated: Feb 24

I see you,

I hate that I see you,

So I change me,

So that I don’t have to see you.

That is the magic of a mirror,

You really only see the face you feed,

If you focus on what you hate,

You’ll only see that which you fixate on.

For so long the mirror hurt,

Long hair equals mother,

Short hair equals father,

Glasses equal abuser.

I needed to see me. And so ensue,

Blue hair,

Lip piercings,

Green hair,

Bigger glasses,

Pink hair,

Makeup,

Eyebrow piercing,

Multicoloured hair…

Running, running, running,

Run…

Run…

Run…

From what, what do I run from.

Why, why must I run

Okay mirror, I see you,

What do I need to see.

I see the hair,

I see the glasses,

I see the piercings,

These things retract from what should be the focal point. My eyes.

If you asked me what colour my eyes were,

I’d probably say, dark hazel, hazel, brown, or green,

Because as soon as I leave the room,

I actually don’t remember what i look like.

After all that time,

Time spent avoiding my reflection,

Time spent wandering the busy halls of my battered mind,

Time spent thinking i was just the sum of both my parents, which made me a bad egg.

Not realising that the makeup of me is mostly dependent on my experiences, my morals, my life’s teachings.

My abusers tried to turn me into something I am not,

Making me go through certain experiences to forcibly shape the way I think.

They didn’t expect that my mind would reject those experiences as tools for life.

They didn’t expect my brain to turn into a complex schematic featuring fractured pieces of personality.

Somewhere along the line, I became we. We became a collective.

If I look, and I mean really gaze into my weary eyes,

I can see the devastation that was left there,

The splinters discarded from years of abuse and mistrust.

This is only the surface.

Looking further into the fragmentation, I can see the ones that make up me, that make up us.

The protectors,

The injured,

The child parts that just want to be loved, that need to be loved.

The fragments that continually fight to stay alive, to stay afloat.

I see you,

I love you,

I will care for you,

We can work together to shed some light on scars that still burn,

We will be the light that this soul has needed all along.

I must continue to fight, i am no longer just fighting for me,

I am fighting for you,

All of you,

For us.

We are where we are meant to reside,

Together we be.

-Ryan (Host)

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Poetry #Poem #DID #cPTSD #Mentalillness #Relationships #Mentalhealth

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